15 May 2013

Diabetes Blog Week 2013 Day 3: Memories

This is the day 3 post for Diabetes Blog week from me! You can get more information here.

Today we’re going to share our most memorable diabetes day. You can take this anywhere.... your or your loved one's diagnosis, a bad low, a bad high, a big success, any day that you’d like to share.

So, I shared some memories I have around diabetes (and disability and general) and people's assumptions about love and families just a short while ago for BADD. I suggest taking a minute or two to read (or reread) those. Because those are some of the most prominent memories I have. And I'm going to cheat here, because all of these memories (and all the ones previously mentioned) are all equally memorable to me.

I remember being diagnosed. I even reminisced when my 11 year diaversary passed on the 10th this month. I remember chugging milk and apple juice like there was no tomorrow. I remember going to the pediatrician and doing the lovely "pee in a cup and we'll dip in a stick", except he was all out of cups, so it was a Styrofoam bowl. I remember the ketone stick pretty much instantly turned to "OMG YOU HAVE ALL THE KETONES IN YOUR PEE". I remember my mom and dad having to hold me down to do that first finger poke with my older brother's meter. They hit a nerve. He also had it cranked up to vampire setting on his lancing device. Don't worry. We cleaned and changed everything before and after. I remember that his meter read "HI" for that test, meaning I was over 600 mg/dL.

I remember going to school that following week, and my peers being pretty unable to look me in the eye.

I remember two weeks later, when I started on the pump (I know, this is not typical. My family is a multi-D family and I was not the first nor the last, so the endo was nice to me) and I wasn't allowed to spend the night at my friend's house for her birthday because I still had Ultralente  in my system (and yes, being reminded that I was even on Ultralente makes me feel super old).

I remember finding friends who were just as broken as I was a few years later. They were and still are able to look me in the eye.

I remember teachers and students trying to take my pump from me because they thought it was a cellphone, on multiple occasions.

I remember going to a debate tournament, and another student with T1 had a seizure from being low. I was the only one who knew he was diabetic. The paramedics were trying to give him things for the seizure, not for the low.

I remember being 28, lying on my bedroom floor, eating a whole jar of glucose tabs (grape), including the dust at the bottom. My meter was on the floor beside my bed, and after I got down on the floor, I didn't feel like it could get back up. And then after eating all the glucose tabs and the dust, I decided to take a nap on the floor. My mom found me and kinda freaked out (sorry Mom...because that happened more than once, although the other times were 32 and 33).

I remember that other student and I being at the top of our class in high school and getting to tell my peers to stuff it (except, maybe in different terms) because we were both kicking everyone's butts on top of dealing with T1.

I remember my AP Physics teacher pulling me aside and telling me he wanted to fail me because I had been missing class for doctor's appointments. I remember asking how I was doing in the class, and apparently being at the top, in spite of missing those classes, was troubling. Because succeeding in spite of hardship means there must be punishment. Or something.

I remember being in DKA on my cousin's wedding day, and missing the wedding because I had a migraine on top of it.

I remember the first date I went on with my husband, where he accepted me for who I was, broken body parts and all. I remember him not caring that I was a cyborg. I remember him looking into my eyes. I remember him holding my hand and not running away.

I remember going to my first FFL conference with my younger brother and parents. And my second. And my third, with hubble bubble tagging along. He wanted to start testing like everyone else there. He felt left out of the cool kids club. And then I reminded him that it's like that for all these kids every other day of their lives. They'll never have a place to feel normal except for spaces like this.

I remember wedding dress shopping with my maid of honor and cursing that there wasn't a better place to put a pump in a dress, especially a wedding dress. There needs to be a better place and not so awkward to access. Maybe I should've just had my husband reach for it an bolus for me.

I remember these things, the good and the bad. But somehow, the bad seem more numerous. I think I have a magnet set to attract terrible people. But some good ones found me too.


  1. Very, very nice! (well, not the unfortunate stuff, I'm referring to the storytelling). This post would make a perfect synopsis of what "what life with diabetes is like"

  2. This whole post really pulled at my heartstrings. And like you, I find more bad tends to crop into memories than good.

  3. I love this post; I can relate to pretty much everything! I linked to it in my Share the Love post for D-Blog Week: http://diaturgy.blogspot.ca/2013/05/sharing-love-d-blog-week-day-7.html hope that's okay. :)

  4. I found your blog via the May Best of the 'Betes blogs...even though this wasn't the original link. I really love this post -- it is raw and honest and wonderfully written. I especially like that you remain so positive in the face of so much negativity, and that you "succeeded in spite of hardship". Kudos to you!